BLOPS COMMAND CENTER

UPDATE on Jay Campbell and the Jailhouse Madam (allegedly) Over at Matilda's

2006-03-10T05:04:00.000-06:00

Update on the Lonoke Mafia over at Tildy's.

Don't Forget to Go to Matilda's For updates

2006-02-23T05:42:00.000-06:00

I'm posting over there for a while. Matilda in the Rock.

Thanks to the Arkansas Leader for This about the Lonoke Mafia (allegedly)

2006-02-14T18:48:00.000-06:00

www.ArkansasLeader.com

Thanks to the Arkansas Leader for this great photo job. Ain't the prosecutor a hottie? Ain't the others scary lookin'? BLOPS recon group is not trying to get in to see the prosecutor anymore as she is a busy lady dealing with this horrible mess in Lonoke. It is a city on edge. But, things seem to be calming somewhat.

While there today, we did see lots of suits riding around in g-cars. We suspect some sort of federal activity may be happening. Plus, Lonoke is really not a bad little place. Lots of friendly folks and happy kids milling around and a couple of great places to put on the feedbag at.

They'll recover, but they sure need a good dipping to get rid of the stench coming from city hall. Might be time for Lonoke voters to clean house, freshen up and start over.

Oh, and we saw some big shot reporters there too. We're staying tuned to the Arkansas Leader and even the Dem-Gaz. We have hopes they'll flush out a covey of dirty quail. Melroy (BLOPS home refreshing our batteries division)

Melroy is posting at Tildy's

2006-02-13T18:01:00.000-06:00

Melroy's investigation of the Lonoke Mafia (allegedly) case is on-going over at www.MatildaintheRock.blogspot.com He will be back here after his current assignment concludes... 'Tildy (guest posting for Mel)

Lonoke Mafia (allegedly) Field Report

2006-02-09T13:27:00.000-06:00

Agents have been reporting in to BLOPS mobile command somewhere near Lonoke. The following seems to be a consensus report:

One of the real victims in all this appears to be the poor mayor. It seems he bought into the charismatic and mesmerizing and self-aggrandizing ways of former and disgraced (allegedly) chief of police Jay Campbell. Nearly everyone agents spoke with had glowing comments about Mayor Privett but not so glowing ones about former and disgraced (allegedly) chief of police Jay Campbell. Many people appear very intimidated by the police force and its reputation since former and disgraced chief of police (allegedly) Jay Campbell assumed control. More to follow. Melroy (BLOPS field commander)

Lonoke Chief of Police Arrest Warrants

2006-02-09T07:34:00.000-06:00

Former Lonoke Chief of Police Jay Campbell and his Jailhouse Madam (allegedly) wife's arrest warrants available here.

BLOPS Public Corruption Reporters Prepare to Head to Lonoke

2006-02-09T07:00:00.000-06:00

In order to fit in, BLOPS always manages to come up with disguises that will allow us to blend in. Since we're headed to Lonoke to keep watch on things while the city is in turmoil, we will dress the part. Stay tuned. Melroy (BLOPS undercover command)

Oh, and don't think the fact that the Jailhouse Madam (allegedly) Kelly Campbell was wearing camo when arrested was lost on us...we just don't know how to talk about that since we're so fond of camo ourselves. We may just have to re-evaluate our wardrobe choices. M

Eye in the Sky on the River

2006-02-09T05:07:00.000-06:00

I'm pissed now. Someone leaked info about the BLOPS cam along the river. Dang that Big Max and his crew at the Arkansas Times for finding it and announcing it. But it is cool Check it out. Oh, and hey Traffic Babes- BLOPS did this just for you gals so you can check on the traffic! Here's the cam link. Melroy (BLOPS surveillance division)

The Lonoke Stinks Story and Updates

2006-02-08T06:34:00.000-06:00

Tildy is on vacation so I am spending most of my time over at her blog which is where you will find all the info on Lonoke Police Chief Jay Campbell, his wife Kelly, Mayor Privett, Bailbondsman guys Cox and Norwood and the prosecutor's case against them involving sex, drugs, jailhouse sex romps, party barges, swimming pools, and lots of other exciting stuff.

A Good One from Gay David

2006-02-02T15:38:00.000-06:00

After numerous repetitions of "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:
370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI6 for help. Within a minute MI6 cabled the White House with this reply:

"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

Very Revealing Thong

2006-02-02T04:34:00.000-06:00

You gotta wonder who in the hell would tell this cow that the thong looks nice on her. Yeesh. Sights like these always make my stomach rumble. Melroy (BLOPS puking division)

BLOPS Tech Support from Bill Gates

2006-02-01T06:38:00.000-06:00

Thanks Bill for being so supportive and helpful to our needs. Melroy (BLOPS Command)

Blow Baby Blow!

2006-01-31T05:25:00.000-06:00

How Damned Drunk or Stoned can you get?

2006-01-29T05:07:00.000-06:00

From www.KTHV.com:

A Jacksonville man accused of smothering a baby girl after becoming intoxicated and resting on top of her has pleaded innocent to a manslaughter charge.

Twenty-five-year-old Christopher Johnson remained in the Pulaski County jail today on a 50,000 dollar bond, a jailer said. Friday, Johnson entered the plea to the Thursday morning death of three-month-old Jade McWilliams.

At the arraignment, Deputy Prosecutor Sarah Priebe said Johnson has a criminal history that includes convictions for theft, breaking or entering, and carrying a weapon.

The baby's lifeless body was found in a recliner at the child's home in northern Pulaski County. She had a large bruise on her side, and sheriff's deputies said Johnson was intoxicated on either drugs or alcohol.

This story stinks worse than Agent 420's boots after a .1 mile march. How damned incapacitated do you have to be to sit down on and smother a 3 month old baby? What about parents here? Where were they? Tragedy in a trailer... Melroy

BLOPS Wants a Rat Man!

2006-01-28T04:57:00.000-06:00

This is How You Look--

2006-01-27T12:55:00.000-06:00

To all you white kids who try to be black-- this is how you look to the rest of the world. Melroy (BLOPS get your shit together division)

Fly With The Eagles

2006-01-27T05:26:00.000-06:00

I have posted this before, but it is just too cool to not share again. Turn up your sound and fasten your seat-belt for an exciting 4 minutes. Melroy (BLOPS Air Command Division)

What She Said-- HA!

2006-01-27T05:09:00.000-06:00

A Wonderful Job if You Can Get It

2006-01-25T11:53:00.000-06:00

There are several BLOPS agents who could very easily qualify for this job--

The Tantalizing Tones of the Tripods-- A Love Song for the Girls- It's sweet-

2006-01-25T04:14:00.000-06:00

"Sack Lickin'" by BLOPS Agents 003 and 420

2006-01-24T04:53:00.000-06:00

Here's a great little ditty from some of the BLOPS boys. Melroy (BLOPS- It is my burden to bear division)

Gas Bag Tilton

2006-01-23T17:25:00.000-06:00

Thought you might enjoy this. I did. Melroy (BLOPS)

FAIL SAFE

2006-01-21T15:57:00.000-06:00

Buck the translator and the President on the Hot Line with the Russian leader during a scene in one of the best movies ever. Them damned pinko commies are still lurking out there folks, but BLOPS is still on duty. Sleep safe. Melroy (BLOPS Command Mobile)

Everybody's doing Lists. Here's one--

2006-01-16T15:13:00.000-06:00

9 Things I Hate About Everyone:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No, Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Your Monday Weather Courtesy of BLOPS Special Weather Agent Robinson

2006-01-15T12:59:00.000-06:00

Showers and thunderstorms will develop Monday in advance of a cold front.

There could be a few severe thunderstorms over the southeastern half of the state. This would begin late Monday afternoon and continue through the evening hours, exiting the southeast corner of the state a couple of hours after midnight.

Damaging winds look to be the main threat,although there could be some large hail as well.

Modest instability and fairly sparse low-level moisture should limit the severe weather potential from what it would be otherwise.

Rainfall amounts are still very much open to question.

At this point, I will say amounts over the southeastern half of the state will average1/4 to 3/4 inch, with local totals over an inch. Over the northwestern half of the state, amounts should be around 1/4 inch with some totals around 1/2 inch. Some of this rain will occur with the showers and thunderstorms ahead of the front, but some of it will also fall in the cooler air behind the front.

On the very back edge of the rain, temperatures could become cold enough for some rain mixed with snow, or possibly a change-over to all light snow, in northwest sections Monday night into Tuesday morning. There is a smaller possibility that this could also occur in north central sections on Tuesday morning.

As noted above, this will be on the very back edge of the precipitation, so accumulations are not very likely.

I will issue the next message around 9:00 AM Monday.

John Robinson
Warning Coordination Meteorologist
National Weather Service, Little RockOffice
Web site: http://www.srh.noaa.gov/lzk

BLOPS OBTAINS NEW AMPHIBIOUS VEHICLE

2006-01-12T12:43:00.000-06:00

We've added another great tool to our arsenal. Continue resting dear NLR we are vigilantly protecting our borders. Melroy (BLOPS Special Aquatic OPS command)

Kiss My Oui Oui Ass you Frogs

2006-01-06T13:28:00.000-06:00

The French: Classic Comments

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." --Mark Twain.

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --General George S. Patton.

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." --Norman Schwartzkopf.

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." --Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." --Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right." --Rush Limbaugh,

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." --Regis Philbin.

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know." --P.J O'Rourke (1989).

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." --John McCain, U.S. Senator

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." --Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either" --Jay Leno.

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." --David Letterman

"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada." --Ted Nugent.

"War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II."

"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'" --Tom Brokaw.

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?" --Dennis Miller.

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us." --Alan Kent

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." --Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once'." --Rep. Roy Blount (MO)

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq." --Dennis Miller

“The French Suck”—Col. Melroy Frumpleheimer (BLOPS Command)

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried." --Rep. Roy Blount (MO)

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." --John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

and finally...drumroll please...

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney - (AP), Paris, March 5, 2003 The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

Anyone Need a Limo for New Year's Eve?

2005-12-31T15:29:00.000-06:00

BLOPS has gained access to a wonderful air-conditioned Town Car. The great thing about it is we have it equipped with a generator so BLOPS can blog from the road. Melroy (BLOPS Mobile Command Commander)

Hot Damn Piggly Wiggly for the Munchies

2005-12-28T17:44:00.000-06:00

BLOPS Agent 420 recently went on an indefinite assignment in Colorado. Now it all comes clear. Read about what's happening among the stoners in the land of Coors Beer and Pikes Peak.

PEACE-HAPPINESS and Ribbit

2005-12-24T12:54:00.000-06:00

For Immediate Release--BLOPS Obtains New Computer System

2005-12-20T15:08:00.000-06:00

BLOPS Sr. I.T. specialist FNU LNU (this means "first name unknown" and "last name unknown" according to an asterisk in the news release) stands next to BLOPS' latest addition to its crime-fighting and terrorist repelling arsenal.

Colonel Melroy Frumpleheimer said, "Once again, BLOPS is ahead of the curve in our continual upgrading of our service capability and response techniques and counter actions in our quest to protect our protectees and counter insurge the insurgents." (This reporter is continually confused by the Colonel's comments.)

The new computer joins other devices such as the sound emitting repellant machine and the invisibility shield and camo hair pieces. End of news release.

BLOPS Supports Support Groups

2005-12-18T14:34:00.000-06:00

An anonymous BLOPS agent (right) congratulates Billy Jack Johnson of Snowbud, MO at BLOPS' recent "Support a Support Group First Annual Cook-Out and Horseshoe Contest". Prior to Billy Jack being adopted by BLOPS, he weighed an unbelievable 170 pounds. With a lot of tender loving care and Popeye's Fried Chicken and Dairy Queen Large Dip Cones, we are proud to say he is no longer a skinny rail and is well on his way to a happy and fat life. Melroy (BLOPS spreading Christmas cheer division)

BLOPS' MOBILE COMMAND UNIT--(designated)

2005-12-17T18:50:00.000-06:00

When BLOPS' lottery ticket hits, this is what we're buyin'. Unless one of our clients needs a good tax write-off. Melroy (BLOPS wish in one hand and shit in the other division)

No Wonder BLOPS Agent 420 Missed the Shot

2005-12-14T17:06:00.000-06:00

Another BLOPS agent snapped this photo. It's pretty obvious why "Mr. I Kill a Deer or Two Every Year" 420 ate crow this season! Melroy (BLOPS The Truth Hurts Division)

Since Edna and Tildy have a Jesus Parade- BLOPS will sponsor this

2005-12-14T06:54:00.000-06:00

Since the fun girls over at Tildy's seem to have had great success with their New Annual or maybe Semi-Annual or maybe monthly (depending on who you believe) parade, we at BLOPS will begin taking suggestions for a BLOPS fund-raiser. The first nomination is in. Either click on the title of this message or HERE. WARNING-- NUDITY ALERT, IF NUDITY OFFENDS YOU- DON'T YOU DARE CLICK HERE.

Another Tease from BLOPS' Weather Ninja

2005-12-13T15:04:00.000-06:00

From John Robinson:

We will probably have some thunderstorms in Arkansas overnight tonight,and in the southeastern third of the state Wednesday morning. Severeweather is not likely, but there is a possibility of small hail in a fewof the storms. Rainfall amounts are not likely to exceed an inch.

Saturday night will present the possibility of some winter weather inthe state. The weather maps are suggesting that the air aloft will becold enough for snow or sleet over the northern two-thirds of Arkansas. However, temperatures just above the ground will be more marginal overmany areas. So, this is just a heads-up that there could be some winterweather in the state Saturday night, but things are far from certain atthis time.

FEMA's Still Doin' a Heckuva Job-- NOT

2005-12-12T06:59:00.000-06:00

Click on the title to read how FEMA continues to live in a FUBAR world.

Yeeeeee Hawwwww Pass the Heinz 57 and the SAKE

2005-12-12T06:38:00.000-06:00

Nips start to buy BEEF again, according to the New York Times. This is good for BLOPS as we have friends in the beef biz.

Gay David Sent Us a White Trash Christmas Message

2005-12-10T09:08:00.000-06:00

Our buddy Gay David sent us a White Trash Christmas greeting. Mayhaps he thought he could offend us? We wear our white trashiness and mullets with pride in the BLOPS bunker---Melroy (BLOPS in the bunker command)

Beware the ICE

2005-12-07T16:14:00.000-06:00

Alert- This weather event may end up creating very icy roads in the Central Arkansas area. You have been forewarned. If it's icy-- keep your asses home. If it's snow- go like crazy! Melroy

BLOPS COMMAND EXECUTIVE EMERGENCY ORDER

2005-12-07T12:18:00.000-06:00

Under no circumstances should any BLOPS agent or trainee ever fart in your wetsuit. See BLOPS Agent 420's photo. Melroys (BLOPS Command)

Lest We Forget-

2005-12-07T05:42:00.000-06:00

Please remember those lost and those who fought in the real war. Today at 3 at the State Capitol there will be a Pearl Harbor observance. Make it if you can. Pearl Harbor survivors are fast leaving our midst. They will never know the gratitude we feel.

Pride runs deep in us and actually, I hate to admit it, whenever I am around World War II vets, I get weak-kneed and misty eyed. I know I know. But, in all seriousness, I am very grateful. But, I still think Chimp Boy sucks. Melroy (BLOPS eternally grateful division)

Did You Go to Kroger and Get Eggs and Beer?

2005-12-07T04:32:00.000-06:00

If you didn't, you should. Although we will not get what they have in this photo-- ain't it purty?-- Central Arkansas is still going to get dusted. As usual, the LR area will probably just get enough to turn normal drivers into fuckin' mouth breathin' slobberin' idiots.

From our BLOPS vantage point we will be watching all of this with great glee. My doggies, Scotch and Soda, are all excited. They love the snow. Both have been glued to weather weenie Ned Perme and weather idiot Tom Brannon for updates.

At BLOPS, we maintain a constant communication line with weather god John Robinson. (Who by the way is supposed to be on Commie Lynch's radio show today.)

One thing we do need to watch for in our area is that this weather event might start as freezing rain. Remember several years ago? Man, that ice storm sucked. Anyway, watch out for this although the spritzing will probably start after we are all safe in our humble abodes. One thing, if you do get out on the ice, remember, DON'T SLAM ON THE BRAKES YOU DILL WEEDS--- PUMP, PUMP, PUMP! (easy Gay David)

So, if you are expecting huge amounts of wet sloppy fun snow, move north. If you want our normal "crippling send in only essential personnel" snow, stay tuned. Hopefully when we all get up tomorrow we will experience that quiet blanket of frozen precipitation followed by sloppy ass mud holes and nasty ass dogs. Melroy (BLOPS on top of the weather division)

SNOW REPORT and UPDATE FROM BLOPS Meteorologist Emeritus John Robinson

2005-12-06T06:19:00.000-06:00

Get your asses to Kroger--- NOW!

It still looks as though we will see some winter weather in Arkansas.

The precipitation could begin Wednesday afternoon in the western half ofthe state. Northwest sections should see only snow. Elsewhere, afternoon temperatures near the ground will be marginal for snow; thus,a mixture of rain, sleet, and some snow is more likely.

Wednesday night, the precipitation will overspread the state. In areas where the precipitation begins as a mixture, it should turn over to all snow except, perhaps, in extreme southern sections.

All precipitation should end from west to east on Thursday morning.

Snowfall amounts in the 1 to 2 inch range look most likely overall. The smallest amounts will probably be in southern Arkansas. In the more mountainous parts of the state, some 3 or even 4 inch totals could occur. A lot of these accumulations may end up being on grassy areas, cars, etc. The temperature of the ground is still fairly warm, so there will probably be some melting of snow on the ground, especially as the snow begins to fall initially. This should help keep snowfall totals somewhat below what they would be if this were the middle of winter. As far as the roads go, there probably will be some melting initially.

However, even with the ground temperatures being what they are, the snow may come down heavy enough at times to put some snow on the roads in almost any part of the state. This will be especially true as we get on into the hours after dark on Wednesday evening.

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow!

2005-12-05T06:51:00.000-06:00

From BLOPS' main weather guy- John Robinson--

"I will just cover the basics today as the weather maps have been far from certain about the winter weather threat that is coming up. A more detailed message will be issued Tuesday morning.

The winter weather threat should begin early Wednesday morning in the southwestern part of the state, spread northeastward during the day Wednesday and Wednesday night, then exit eastern Arkansas Thursday morning.

At this point, it looks like the northern half of Arkansas will have the greatest threat of winter weather. For the northern third of the state, it should be snow, with perhaps a little rain mixed in due to somewhat marginal temperatures for snow during the day Wednesday. For the central third of the state, it appears that snow or sleet will be most likely, but, due to even more marginal temperatures, there may be rain at times, especially during the day Wednesday.

As far as amounts go, where all snow falls, totals will probably be an inch or two, with perhaps three inches at some of the higher elevations." [...}

Santa Might be a Little Late This Year

2005-12-04T15:09:00.000-06:00

Report From the Field

2005-12-03T04:23:00.000-06:00

Sorry for the lack of postings lately. BLOPS is on a very special assignment. Will be back in the bunker soon. Melroy (BLOPS Mobile Command Special Assignment Division)

BLOPS Family Goes to Target Practice

2005-11-28T14:10:00.000-06:00

Click here to see BLOPS firearms training.

Nekkid British Marines Beatin' Each Other Up

2005-11-28T12:39:00.000-06:00

BLOPS recruits go through a similar hazing. Click here to see what we mean. Melroy (BLOPS Basic Training Division)

Freakin' Awesome Flight Video

2005-11-28T07:35:00.000-06:00

Just click here and HOLD ON!

Great Workout Routine For BLOPS agent Wannabes

2005-11-27T18:13:00.000-06:00

Click here to see an example of the grueling routine we put all BLOPS agents through.

Ho Freakin' Ho-

2005-11-24T17:01:00.000-06:00

Click the title or here to watch a pretty neat light show synched with some of that there Trans Siberian music. Must say, it sort of put even my grumpy ole ass in some sort of spirit. Melroy (BLOPS tired as hell division)

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

2005-11-22T06:50:00.000-06:00

BLOPS Command today released a photo of their new anti-terrorist sound system. BLOPS Commander Col Melroy Frumpleheimer, USMC (ret) (- he wasn't really a colonel in the marines but he recently received a field promotion for meritorious work on behalf of an un-named "big shot client" and insists we use the title in all stories-) said in a release, "we are proud to offer yet one more mechanism which BLOPS offers to its clients and citizens to beat back the terrorist and commie incursions."

Frumpleheimer refused to answer questions about how the device works but did say it had been "partially inspired by the recent love boat captain's success in kicking the pirates of the seas of Somalia asses." It has been reported by persons in a close proximity to the suspected BLOPS bunker that they hear loud music coming from within. Police officials refused to comment.

Martial Arts Befuddles BLOPS Trainee

2005-11-19T10:39:00.000-06:00

BLOPS Jr. Agent begins his training for hand to hand combat. Click the title, or here.

BLOPS Agent 420 Family Photo for their Christmas Card

2005-11-18T16:11:00.000-06:00

Urgent Announcement from the CDC Re: Bird Flu

2005-11-18T16:01:00.000-06:00

The Centers for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:

1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to shit on someone's windshield.

Stern Says ASS on Letterman- Go tell the FCC

2005-11-18T06:19:00.000-06:00

Last night on Letterman, Howard Stern said- "To be a success in radio, be a big pompous ass and have the answer to everything." Wonder if he was saying that the big commie bastard Lynch is a success? Bad as BLOPS hates to admit it, Pinko Lyncho must have something going for him to be so resilient in the local radio world. You can check him at WAIRadio.

Don't forget to check out LCDR Elkins up in the Fayette-Nam area too, he writes good and has some neat gizmos on his blog.

Meet BLOPS' Dog Agent- Scotch

2005-11-17T05:40:00.000-06:00

Meet BLOPS' canine agent- Scotch. His sister Soda refuses to allow her photo be taken as she is our undercover canine agent. Scotch and Soda are glad we have finally moved into the bunker and out of their Aunt Matilda's house. Her cat was driving them crazy. Melroy (BLOPS Canine Training Division)

BLOPS Computer Class (Mandatory)

2005-11-16T07:32:00.000-06:00

From the BLOPS training manual. Melroy (BLOPS Command Center)

A Guest Blog From One of Our Beloved BLOPS Boys

2005-11-14T06:06:00.000-06:00

I would really hope that the American people would be wiser after nearly a total of 12 years of Bush-ocracy than to vote in yet another BUSH! I find it, at least at this point, a very long shot, nearly impossible, for Jeb to be elected in '08. But, I am constantly amazed...and disappointed by the American people in political matters. But what do I know, if the evangelicals decide that God ordains that yet another Bush take control, if it's in God's ultimate plan, then who am I to disagree and think for myself. BLOPS Guest Blogger

Jeb Bush leaves open White House bid

Reuters

Sunday, November 13, 2005; 10:31 AM

BERLIN (Reuters) - Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, the brother of U.S. President George W. Bush, ruled out running for president in 2008 but left open the possibility of a subsequent bid in an interview with a German magazine published on Sunday.

Jeb Bush, who is scheduled to visit Germany this week, told Focus weekly he had not thought much about running for the office held by his father and older brother except to rule out the next election at the end of George W. Bush's second term.

"You should never say never. But for the 2008 election, my answer is definitely no," he said, in comments translated into German by the magazine.

Asked whether his answer meant a later challenge was possible, he said: "Let's say there's a vague chance."

Bush, 52, said he spoke frequently with his brother and visited the White House whenever he was in Washington but he said the two mainly discussed family matters or sport.

© 2005 Reuters

Great Letter to the Editor from Saturday's Dem-Gaz

2005-11-13T09:39:00.000-06:00

Baiting is for cowards
Re luring a bear with dog food:

The baiting and conditioning of a wild animal with easy food for the sole purpose of killing it for a trophy is very close to the most gutless, cowardly act that I can imagine.

For sportsmanship, it ranks right alongside hunting at the zoo.

State Game and Fish regulations for such a hunt should require that the hunter wear “hunter pink” rather than orange, and at least one lacy undergarment.

PAUL COVERT Little Rock

Paul, we don't even know ye but we love ye. Melroy (BLOPS give 'em a fair chance division)

This Prevents Us From Having a Lottery

2005-11-13T04:15:00.000-06:00

How can people like this keep us from having a lottery? Because they blindly do what idiots tell them to. Melroy (BLOPS hates dumb-asses division)

Badges- We don't need no steenking badges- Just a credit card or two and some prisoners to do a little totin' and liftin'

2005-11-12T12:37:00.000-06:00

What the hell is going on amongst our gendarmes? Over in Lonoke (click on the title for an update on Jay Campbell and his mayor buddy from the Lonoke Democrat.) And below is part of the article from today's Dem-Gaz about the sheriff up in Conway. Maybe it's something in the water systems in Lonoke and Conway? Melroy (BLOPS Mobile Command)

Audit finds sheriff-office books amiss

BY MICHAEL R. WICKLINE ARKANSAS DEMOCRAT-GAZETTE

The Faulkner County sheriff’s office made unauthorized disbursements of $23,006 to pay for personal charges on Faulkner County credit cards and for college tuition and unearned leave compensation in 2003 and 2004, a state auditor told lawmakers on Friday. So far, $7,682 has been reimbursed to the county by Sheriff Marty Montgomery, a relative of Montgomery’s and one other county employee.

In addition, Montgomery and other employees still owe $15,324 to the county, said Kim Williams, investigative manager for the Legislative Audit Division. She said auditors sent their findings recently to Prosecuting Attorney H.G. Foster of Conway for “review and appropriate action.” He asked that a special prosecutor be appointed to handle the matter. Prosecuting Attorney Stephen Tabor of Fort Smith was appointed in June as special prosecutor. Tabor announced on Oct. 3 that the evidence didn’t support criminal prosecution of Montgomery.

The auditors recommended that the responsible individuals reimburse the county for the unauthorized expenses paid on the employees’ behalf, Williams told the Legislative Joint Auditing Committee. Secretary Tammy Weaver owes the county $12,411 for unauthorized leave compensation and nonbusiness credit-card charges, according to a schedule of unauthorized disbursements provided by Williams. The document showed that Montgomery owes $1,439, and Chief Deputy Steve Wallace owes $965. Administrative assistant Allison Hendrix, jail administrator Kyle Kelley, Maj. Perry Wyse and Sgt. Jack Pike owe $286, $171, $48 and $4, respectively, according to the document. Poor Pike took a screwin' on the spending spree.

In addition, the sheriff’s office paid $18,762 for inadequately documented credit-card charges by Montgomery and other employees, Williams said. Montgomery had $4,828 of these expenses, according to her report. How can we get in on some of this?

“Without adequate documentation, we were unable to determine if these charges were for legitimate business expenses,” Williams said. After reviewing Wal-Mart and Sam’s Wholesale Club invoices that totaled $13,785 and were coded as “jail food,” auditors noted numerous instances where food items purchased were in quantities too small to serve the jail population, she said. Party at the sheriff's house!

Auditors recommended that Montgomery, Foster and the county’s Quorum Court review the inadequately documented expenses, including certain jail food purchases, and determine the business purpose for each charge, Williams said. [...]

True Words Here Youngsters

2005-11-12T05:47:00.000-06:00

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at 9 pm and ask, " Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

14. You sing along with elevator music.

15. Your eyes won't get much worse.

16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to payoff.

17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

20. You can't remember who sent you this list.

Our Dear Agent 420

2005-11-10T14:29:00.000-06:00

Oh NO! BLOPS Agent 420's bunnies go crazy and destroy "evidence" collected from a recent recon mission. Agent comments on mishap, "that wasn't supposed to happen! It's freaking insane, man!" Melroy (BLOPS I can't believe some of my agents division)

From BLOPS Agent 420

2005-11-10T12:40:00.000-06:00

How to tell if ur a real Arkansan:

1. You can properly pronounce Ouachita.

2. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are sissies.

3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

5. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

6. You've seen people wear bib overalls at funerals.

7. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

8. You measure distance in minutes.

9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.

10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

11. You know cow pies are not made of beef.

12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

13. You have known someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

14. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, beer, and bait all in the same store.

15. A Mercedes Benz isn't a status symbol. A Chevy Silverado Extended Bed Crew Cab is.

16. You know everything goes better with 'Ranch'.

17. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

18. You actually get these jokes and are "fixin' " to send them to your friends.

Finally:
19. you are 100% Arkie if you have ever had this conversation: "You wanna coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr Pepper."

Lonoke Inmate Camping Trip-Arkansas Democrat-Gazette

2005-11-09T06:31:00.000-06:00

Act 309 ban in Lonoke is extended

BY CHARLIE FRAGO ARKANSAS DEMOCRAT-GAZETTE

Reports that inmates fished, drove all-terrain vehicles and attended barbecues at the police chief’s house helped a committee of sheriffs and prison officials decide Tuesday to continue barring state inmates from working for the Lonoke Police Department. Was any alkyhaul served at the BBQ Chief Jay?

“There was a total disregard to the fact that they were inmates. These people weren’t in prison,” said Kelly Pace, a member of the Board of Corrections and the Act 309 Oversight Committee. But none of this was illegal?

Pace pointed to inmate statements to prison investigators detailing rides on ATVs, fishing trips and visits with family members. “I don’t think you had to read the policy to know what you’re doing is wrong,” she said during Tuesday’s committee meeting. ...

... At Tuesday’s meeting, Campbell and Privett both apologized to the committee, saying their failure to read the policy led to the misuse of the inmates.

“We have not denied it. We have been quite open and honest during the entire process,” Campbell said. “I do accept full responsibility for these violations.” Actually refreshing, but too little too late?

The committee said it would decide whether it would permanently terminate Lonoke’s program at its next meeting early next year. On Tuesday, 23rd Judicial District Prosecuting Attorney Lona McCastlain said that the investigation concerning improper sexual contact between the inmates and a “member of the general public” had not been completed.

Dina Tyler, Correction Department spokesman, declined to name the “member of the general public,” citing a judicial gag order. Most interesting and we can hardly wait for this report!

Hey Traffic BABES---

2005-11-08T07:01:00.000-06:00

Hey traffic babes- STOP IT.

Tell your boss that you will NOT read one more Preparation H commercial. They are beneath those with your class.

Sure, we know lots of us use it, even though we hate to buy it at the store since you let everyone in line know that your ass itches, but still.

It takes me hours to get it out of my head after you read about ass cream in your sultry and sexy tones. Melroy (BLOPS bad visual image division)

Area of BLOPS primary concern and BLOGS

2005-11-08T04:41:00.000-06:00

Here you see BLOPS primary protection zone.----->

However, we do go outside our normal sphere of responsiblity when requested, such as the Somalia Pirate Eradication Mission and our protection details of various cool politicos like General Suskie (www.PaulSuskie.com) and of course, we continue our bail jumper location program.

We also would like to point your attention to a fairly comprehensive blog list that someone is starting at www.ArkansasBlogs.blogspot.com It's a nice way to putter about the blogosphere. Even that damned commie bastard Lynch is listed. Yuk. But, so is Krile and LCDR Elkins, and we would not even recommend it if our girl ARMedia wasn't listed, but she is. Melroy (BLOPS High Command)

Six Flags Over Tikrit

2005-11-07T13:44:00.000-06:00

OK. So if you don't want to go for a cruise in Somalia, how about a roller coaster ride in Iraq? Pay close attention to the last paragraph or two. Melroy (BLOPS travel agent division)

Iraq plans hotel and theme parks for a tourism boom

By Kim Sengupta in Baghdad
The U.K. Independent
Published: 07 November 2005

A £48m, five-star, 23-storey hotel rising in the city centre; an opulent palace complex being turned into a theme park; cheap flights to the picturesque "Venice of the east" - all the trappings of a country gearing up for a tourist boom.

Except the country in question is Iraq. With a new constitution and elections in the offing, officials insist there is a new beginning. The tourist board has 2,400 staff and 14 offices.

There has been a rise in the volume of travellers, with Iraqis either leaving or expatriates returning for visits. And there is also the continuous and steady number of foreigners, mainly contractors, coming in for the huge wages they can now command for working in such a risky environment.

The planned hotel is very much at an embryonic stage. The land - in the heavily guarded Green Zone - has been donated by the Iraqi government, and the finance is being provided by an Iraqi businessman.

Thair Feeley, of the Iraqi Commission for Investment, insists everything is in place. "It is not true that it will be a five-star hotel," he says with a flourish, "but a seven and half stars one".

The hotel is intended to have the usual accoutrements: plush suites, business centres, conference halls and a golf range. However, this is Iraq and Mr Feeley is not keen to make more details of the structure public for "security reasons". Nor is he willing to reveal the name of the businessman, again for "security reasons".

The building will have to be built to withstand mortar and rocket attack, just as the one major existing hotel in the Green Zone, Al Rashid, was built to do. Despite the carnage outside and its shabby appearance, the Rashid can still charge $150 (£86) a night.

Another plan is to turn Saddam Hussein's former palaces at his home town of Tikrit into a themed tourist destination. The complex, which contains 18 palaces and 118 other buildings, is surrounded by rolling gardens overlooking the Tigris.

Mohammed Abbas, a regional official, said: "Ordinary Iraqis were never allowed into these palaces. It will be an opportunity for them to see how their money was spent. International visitors will also be able to see the kind of lifestyle Saddam enjoyed."

Basra in the south has already officially declared itself open for tourism. But, says an official:

"Tourists should dress like locals and maybe dye their hair. And they should have armed guards and they should be always vigilant."

BLOPS Team Heads to Somalia and Points East

2005-11-07T05:12:00.000-06:00

BLOPS Undercover Agents rehearse a boarding and conquering strategy to be employed in covert ops.

BLOPS has been activated by executive BLOPS Command Order. Several agents will take up residence on various un-named cruise ships sailing various seas. We will take no quarter, we have exterminate orders. We're not putting up with any of this pirate shit while we've got other important crap happening, so you've been warned you pointy-hatted pricks. You're such pusses we're not even sending our A team.

So, to our readers-- go ahead and go over to Africa and take a cruise if you like. You will be in safe hands and will never even know we're there. Melroy (BLOPS pirate control division)

BLOPS Baby in Training and Arkansas Blogs

2005-11-07T03:41:00.000-06:00

Here is BLOPS Agent 1101's baby boy. Agent 1101 is training his child in covert disguises. We think he is off to a wonderful career in BLOPS.

Also, the Jage has located an under-construction site that is working toward listing all Arkansas Blogs. Click the title or zip over to:

www.ArkansasBlogs.blogspot.com

Melroy (BLOPS wondering when Tildy is coming home division)

Stubster draws a Viable Opponent

2005-11-05T07:45:00.000-06:00

From the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette
Michael Wickline

CABOT — Patrick D’Andrea of Cabot on Friday announced his bid for the Republican Party nomination for the U.S. House in the 1st Congressional District, saying he wants to be the district’s ambassador to corporate America. The 43-year-old probation officer in the Lonoke County Juvenile Department is the second Republican in the race in the northeast Arkansas district.

The other is Cabot Mayor Mickey “Stubby” Stumbaugh, 38. U.S. Rep. Marion Berry, a Democrat from Gillett, has held the seat since winning it in 1996.

D’Andrea said he decided to run because Arkansas was given little attention in the presidential election. “I am seeking this position to take a message to Washington and... that message is the 1st Congressional District of Arkansas has real people with real needs,” D’Andrea told about 30 people at Coffeelicious, his wife’s deli, in Cabot.

[...]

Anybody know anything about this guy? He sounds good...ex marine- ooooooooorah! So what if he is from somewhere else. Hell, Hilary rented an apartment in NY and now she's a freakin' senator, and arguably a pretty good one to boot. Melroy (BLOPS just-wondering division)

Bonus Photo From Recon Mission

2005-11-05T06:28:00.000-06:00

Here's a bonus. You can see we have a fine vantage point over a field full of potential emergency MREs. Our bunker is nearly complete. Melroy (BLOPS Regional Command Mobile Unit)

From the Field

2005-11-05T06:16:00.000-06:00

Along the trail that BLOPS is clearing for a super-secret summit attended by members of the BLOPS planning and negotiation team. This summit is so important several ultra-under ops commanders will also be present. These guys very rarely, if ever, leave their bunkers. Please disregard any sort of black-chopper activity you may note over Pulaski, White, Faulkner and Lonoke Counties. That is all we are allowed to disclose at this time but be watching for updates on this mission which may or break some important issues. Melroy (BLOPS Mobile Command Unit- somewhere you'll never find)

Some BLOPS Boys Begin Training for the Mercenary Olympics

2005-11-04T05:14:00.000-06:00

A BLOPS conundrum

2005-11-04T05:05:00.000-06:00

Here is a photo we recovered of BLOPS agent 420. We had ordered him to college to bone up on his writing skills since he originally was going to handle the blog. It is now apparent we should've handled arranging this as he obviously turned right and not left. We've never heard from him since and now this photo explains why. We suspect our former receptionist Robyn (see archives) may've done the mapquest search for him. Melroy

Catalog guy interviews Stubby

2005-11-03T15:11:00.000-06:00

Click on the title to jump over to the Sears and Roebuck guy's website and read an interview he did with Stubby the Stubster. It's from back in September so we assume that is why there is nothing about Mayor Stub the Bub's glowing career as an LRPD mercenary and stunt driver. Also, wonder why the Sears guy's name is not on this blog? Guess him and Roebuck split up after all those years. Melroy (BLOPS state hospital security division)

Stubby Stubby Stubby-

2005-11-01T04:37:00.000-06:00

Ok. Let's examine this stuff from the article in Tuesday's Dem-Gaz that Matilda sent me-- You need to read the entire article by Michael Wickline to fully appreciate ole Stub. Remember, this guy is running for Congress and is now the mayor of Cabot. - Melroy (Sorry for the bad spelling of the writer's name we fixed it.)

[...]

The file shows he was suspended without pay for:

One day in September 1997 for violating the department’s rules when he called a local radio station and made “inappropriate comments” while he was on regular patrol duties and responding to a disturbance call. Stumbaugh said he defended Republican Gov. Mike Huckabee against his critics in a call to the radio station. “I said, ‘the thing we have got to remember about opinions is opinions are like butt holes, everybody has got one.’” Ok, this one isn't much, but it does sort of paint a little of his character. We're sure this was during a conversation with our own PG-rated Howard Stern, Tommy Smith. We believe this was prior to Bling Mouth and Grumpy Old Man joining Tommy on the air.

Twenty days in September 1993 for violating the department’s rules and regulations and general orders when he failed to identify himself when requested by a resident at Manorview Court, where he was employed as a security officer while off duty. Stumbaugh “also used harsh and profane language to these civilians,” wrote then-Police Chief Louie C. Caudell. Caudell said Stumbaugh also failed to fill out an off-duty employment form and was working in the off-duty position while on “injured on-duty status.” Stumbaugh said he identified himself as a police officer, but he declined to give his name to youths in a cul-de-sac drinking beer, and he used some curse words when he told them to put their hands on the car. Here a pattern of not filling out off-duty employment forms shows up again- Oh, and that macho cop bullshit begins festering. And, if he was in an injured status at the cop shop, isn't taking his sick pay sort of like...ummm, stealing from the city and taxpayers?

One day in December 1991 for violating the department’s general orders when he accepted an offer from another officer to work at an off-duty job at the Master’s Inn and worked there two times without filling out the required off-duty employment form. See above.

Three days in October 1990 as a police officer for “improper or negligent handling of or negligent damage to city property” when he was involved in a traffic accident while operating a police car in the parking lot at 1309 Old Forge Road. Stumbaugh said the car slid on ice and hit a telephone pole. Hmmmm, reading between the lines here- could he have been playing a little? Perhaps one of those spinning around and around games? Nah, not a LRPD guy with as bright a star as this goober. UPDATE: Big Max over at www.arktimes.com has sort of an update on this. Turns out I was wrong in assuming his honor was playing. We stand corrected. But it's still a weird one, as you will see at ArkTimes blog. You might be able to click on the title above to get to it.

Five days in August 1990 for violating the department’s rules and regulations. Stumbaugh was intoxicated while off duty and attempted to get two people to leave the swimming pool area of the Napa Valley Apartments, where he was the apartment complex’s security officer, said Caudell. Stumbaugh also was involved in a disturbance with the two people, Caudell said. “I was not intoxicated,” Stumbaugh said. “I had been drinking. I was never given a breath test or anything like that. I was at my home off duty and I was called [that there was somebody in the pool].” Just close your eyes and imagine this scene- Swaggering and swearing Stubby doin' the little cop dance at the swimming pool.

One day in January 1989 for “improper or negligent handling of or negligent damage to city property” when he was involved in an accident on Interstate 30 at Sixth Street when driving a police car. But, did he get a ticket like the rest of us would've?

Two days in January 1988 as a police cadet for violating the department’s special orders for taking a gold chain from a prisoner while working in the detention center and placing the chain in his pocket instead of storing the chain with the prisoner’s property. Stumbaugh said he put the necklace in his pocket when another inmate was having a seizure and he called for an ambulance. He said he forgot about the chain that until the police called him at home and asked about the necklace. Let's see, 1988, seems the pattern started years ago huh? And I'm sure he never thought a crappy ole skell would actually complain that someone stole something...after all, that guy was a thief and shithead, so who cares? Seems somebody did. How in the hell did this guy stay a cop for so long? Thin blue line? The blue wall? Bad publicity for an already rocky reputation the LRPD has?

“I think his record speaks for itself,” said Gabe Holmstrom of Little Rock, executive director of the state Democratic Party. He declined further comment. Nice...

Clint Reed of Little Rock, executive director of the state Republican Party, said it’s a shame that “the politics of personal destruction has started in this race.” Stumbaugh was elected as Cabot’s mayor after his opponents brought out these issues, Reed said. “This is politics as usual for the Democrats as they seek to avoid a real debate on the issues,” he said. Typical. But what do you expect him to say really? I do think that the politics of personal destruction has started, but Stubby started it by exercising less than ignorant judgement and actions, not the democrats. And Cabot knew about all of this? If they did, then they deserve him. Not to drop the race bomb here, oh hell, I am dropping it I guess, but I have to wonder how many of the complaintants were black? Shit, that wasn't fair I guess. But, just for curiosity's sake, I'd like to know. Debate on the issues? You don't think a man on the edge is an issue?

We didn't even get into the other stuff in the Wickline article, like the bankruptcy-- Melroy (BLOPS same ole shit division)

Holy Crap! From the Atlanta Journal-Constitution

2005-10-31T07:20:00.000-06:00

Texas Pastor Electrocuted During Baptism

WACO, Texas — A pastor performing a baptism was electrocuted inside his church Sunday morning after adjusting a nearby microphone while standing in water, a church employee said.

The Rev. Kyle Lake, 33, was stepping into the baptistery as he reached out for the microphone, which produced an electric shock, said University Baptist Church community pastor Ben Dudley.

Water in a baptistery usually reaches above the waist, said Byron Weathersbee, interim university chaplain at Baylor University.

Lake was pronounced dead at Hillcrest Baptist Medical Center, nursing supervisor Pat Mahl said. The woman being baptized apparently had not stepped into the water and was not seriously injured. [...]

Memo to dunkers- Water and Electricity do NOT mix. To hurry to your God, do what this guy did... Melroy (BLOPS rubber boot division)

Memo To Balls Brummett

2005-10-31T04:56:00.000-06:00

Hey- Balls Brummett is beatin' up on bloggers. Said we are cowards and hide behind anonymity and are not real newsmen. He did say some nice things about Big Max at Ark Times Blog which we suspect he did because he is afraid Max will sit on him until he sees the light, in this case, probably that bright light at the end of the tunnel Tildy is always talking about.

Anyway, up in the description of this blog and sis's over at Matilda, it clearly states we are satirical in nature and if anyone takes what we do as serious news is nuts anyway. So Balls- kiss it! Melroy (BLOPS Balls Brummett fan club division)

About this Melroy Has One Thing To Say- Well, more really

2005-10-28T17:24:00.000-05:00

What’s this—a candidate for attorney general who wants to keep candidates like himself from accepting campaign donations from public utilities? Talk about acting against his own financial interest. . . and merely because the attorney general is bound by law (and, we hope, conscience) to represent the consumers against the utilities in rate cases. Gunner DeLay clearly has some new and strange ideas. He’s a Republican, which may explain it. The former state senator from Fort Smith clearly doesn’t know how things are done in this state, and have been done for years. When it comes to choosing between an abstract principle and real money, cold cash has long held the advantage. The Democratic candidates don’t seem to have any big problem taking money from the utilities. What conflict of interest? Taking the money isn’t going to affect how they deal with the utilities, or so they assure the public. There’s something unsettling about folks so sure of their ethical probity that they don’t mind being led into temptation. But what th’ heck, this is the kind of arrangement that’s been accepted for so long in Arkansas politics—the way the one-party system used to be—that it sounds strange even to hear a candidate question it. Imagine: putting principle before money. What kind of politician can this DeLay fellow be? It’ll be interesting to see how a candidate for attorney general with such strange new ideas fares as the campaign heats up. Choosing an ethical principle over a campaign contribution? We all know Arkansas politics has changed over the years, but has it changed that much?

The above is an editorial from today's Dem-Gaz. About it I say this- Blow me. What the hell are they thinking over there in the editorial room? Send a reporter to look at ALL of the candidate who've taken money from utilities and we believe you'll find as many Rs as Ds. Sheesh. Hurry up NLR Times, go daily. I'll subscribe. And I will issue a Command Order to all BLOPS team to subscribe as well.

Cookies and a Toy and an Empty Airport

2005-10-26T06:53:00.000-05:00

So let's see here, on the news this morning I hear that an entire airport was shut down after screeners mistook a cookie and a toy as an Improvised Explosive Device. What in the HELL is going on here? I've never felt as much in danger since the time Tildy had a carbunkle on her ass- she was very testy during that time and we all walked on egg shells for a month. Cookies after all contain lots of trans fat and depending on the type of toy (after all many are very scary- see photo) I guess you could make some sort of bomb, but I'm not sure. Melroy (BLOPS continually confused about the TSA division)

Hey Assholes--

2005-10-25T16:40:00.000-05:00

Hey Dickwads- See this contraption? When it's red, it means STOP, not, "go like hell you can squeeze four more cars through there". If you've never been t-boned, or t-boned someone, it's just a matter of time. I guess all the fucking cops have decided stop light violations are not that important.

I sat in my truck and watched 6, not 4, not 2, but six fucking cars fly right through a red light one right after the other. It's only a miracle that more people aren't killed. So what is up with that coppers?

Why don't some of our young pup reporters just pull up at an intersection and do an informal count of how many cars run the light. Hell people do it right in front of police, a plain car parked there would not create a problem at all. And you TV dopeheads should set a camera up and watch. For a very good visual story, sit in your car on the US Pizza parking lot in Levy and watch the intersection at 34th and Camp. Oh, do it at morning rush hour to get a real show. I'm trying to figure out how to pick just the right car, preferably a Lexus, and let them cream me and then I'll get rich on insurance, well, me and the lawyer with the pretty smile will both get rich. Melroy (BLOPS wish I were a cop for two hours division)

We're Gonna Miss Summer

2005-10-24T06:55:00.000-05:00

Here's a photo BLOPS recon snapped one day while at a pool party. We can't divulge the models identity but suffice it to say, they blog at another site. Melroy (BLOPS heading to puke division)

Rooskies Attempting a Comeback?

2005-10-24T03:36:00.000-05:00

Click the title to read how the youth of Russia are attempting a political comeback by increasing their numbers. Melroy (BLOPS Rooskie Watch Center Commander)

Rove Tries Desperately to Save His Job by Visiting Smirking Monkey Man at Camp David

2005-10-23T15:00:00.000-05:00

AR Media Movie Casting Nearly Complete

2005-10-23T06:28:00.000-05:00

Click the title to go look at ARMedia's movie site. It is nearly cast. Melroy's part will be played by one of his heroes. Melroy (BLOPS public affairs division)

www.armediamovie.blogspot.com

A Four Wheeler and a Serving Wench all in one Visit

2005-10-22T08:53:00.000-05:00

Just caught on the teevee that Searcy Yamaha will give you a free wench with the purchase of a Yamaha four-wheeler. BLOPS would highly recommend you request the serving wench. Brunehilde was our waitress at the last OctoberFest we attended and a fine wench she was!

Hurricane Anything and Smirking Monkey Man's Thoughts

2005-10-22T04:15:00.000-05:00

Hurricanes aren't really so bad for some people. Click on the title to see what we mean. Melroy (BLOPS early hurricane warning division)

Saddam's Lawyer victim of BLOPS? Nah

2005-10-21T06:04:00.000-05:00

Click on the title to read the USA Today story about the kidnapping and killing of Saddam's lawyer. Hmmmmm-- I am urgently trying to account for all of the BLOPS assassination teams to be sure one of them did not go all Broken Arrow on us. Most of BLOPS team simply wants to be turned loose to deal with the mess in IRAQ. We are not entering into that melee because the Smirking Monkey Man would take the credit. We could do it, we just won't.
Melroy (BLOPS internal investigation team)

What?

2005-10-20T15:05:00.000-05:00

One of the BLOPS recon teams spotted this sign on a downtown LR church door while they were on patrol near the Clinton Library yesterday. They swear it isn't doctored. I wonder if the right wing nutz know this is happening right here in river city? Yikes. At a church no less. Melroy (BLOPS double entendre division)

Storm Alert- First of this Event

2005-10-19T11:04:00.000-05:00

A cold front will probably push some thunderstorms into Arkansas tonight. However, the only chance for severe weather should be onThursday as the front moves farther into the state.

At this point, it appears the risk for severe weather would be over the northeastern quarter of Arkansas during the afternoon and early evening hours Thursday. Even so, chances of severe weather look to be low, because instability and low level moisture will be limited. Thus, I think if any severe weather occurs, it will be isolated. Damaging winds would have a somewhat greater chance of occurring than large hail.

Rainfall amounts exceeding an inch tonight or Thursday would be very isolated.

The next message will be issued Thursday morning by 9 AM.

John Robinson
Warning Coordination Meteorologist
National Weather Service, Little RockOffice
Web site:URL=http://www.srh.noaa.gov/lzk

URGENT INTERNET ACTIVITY INFO

2005-10-19T08:57:00.000-05:00

ALERT ALERT ALERT

Click on the title for a very urgent message about internet email traffic.

URGENT URGENT

Windows Assistant even helps Idiots

2005-10-19T04:43:00.000-05:00

Bill Gates and the boys designed a special version of XP for POTUS Idiot Smirking Man.

Edna Models her new Thong

2005-10-19T04:19:00.000-05:00

In this artist's rendering, dear old Edna tries her new thong recently purchased in NOLA by the BLOPS recon team...well, it really wasn't purchased, we looted it. After all, who the hell needs a thong in NOLA, it ain't there no more. Well, hardly ain't there. Melroy (BLOPS thong assessment division)

BLOPS Obtains Special Equipment for Protection Duties

2005-10-18T21:01:00.000-05:00

Here is a photo of BLOPS commander Frumpleheimer testing a new special ops goggle and helmet. The device has not been approved for use by the general public, so don't even bother asking. It is a highly classifed piece of equipment with a direct satellite up-link for instantaneous simulcasting of BLOPS Special Orders, night vision, cell phone, DVD player, aroma therapy and XM radio. It also has a voice stress analyzer as well as X-Ray capabilities and is air conditioned and heated. Oh, it's bullet proof too. Melroy (BLOPS Beta Testing Division)

URGENT BLOPS PRESS RELEASE-- from Special Ops News

2005-10-18T18:34:00.000-05:00

BLOPS Announces Movie Part- For Immediate Release--

Today it was announced that Dog the Bounty Hunter will be cast as Melroy (BLOPS Commander) Frumpleheimer in ARMedia's up-coming entry for Sundance and Cannes.

Today, Melroy said, "I am pleased casting and YGA (Click title to go to her site) have settled on Dog to try and illustrate my importance on the big screen." The grizzled but ruggedly handsome Melroy went on to say, "Although this is a small role, it is pivotal to the success of the film. Without BLOPS keeping an eye out for YGA, the likelihood of foul play, or at the very least, an attempt at implication in the Plame affair, is not at all out of the realm of the reality of possibility."

(Your reporter didn't quite understand all of that, but it sounded important enough to quote.)

Melroy Frumpleheimer has been the commander of BLOPS since his retirement from an elite special forces unit about which he says, "I can't discuss any of this." It is known that BLOPS seems to have branches in several areas of the state as well as region. A special team spent two-weeks in New Orleans recently assisting with "intell gathering and special ops stuff" according to a BLOPS news release.

Other clients of BLOPS, in addition to several that were blacked out, include "General Suskie special protection detail" and "YGA ARMedia Productions" which appear to be BLOPS only clients. Besides BLOPS and now acting as a consultant and bodyguard to a big-time writer and producer, Frumpleheimer also is a bail bond bounty hunter and resides in Argenta with his twin sister Matilda and his faithful dogs, Scotch and Soda. #30#

Could It Be? Could It Be? Report from LCDR Elkins' site

2005-10-18T16:41:00.000-05:00

LCDR Don Elkins over at www.ArkansasTonight.com gots a little gossip making the rounds in D.C. about good ole Fuck Yourself Cheney. Appears he might've. Melroy (BLOPS Ha Ha Division)

ARMedia is Casting a Movie

2005-10-18T07:07:00.000-05:00

ARmedia Girl is casting a movie. I'm thinkin' this guy ----> could possibly pull off the role of Melroy. I know, I know, he's a sucky actor, but this role would not require much dialogue, just a lot of commie ass-kicking and rubbing YGA's tired shoulders while keeping an eye out for any fat or old journalist/politician/commentator/blogger that might have harmful intent in their thoughts. Plus, he's a low-talker. Woe be the day anyone attempt any sort of assault on our girl. Melroy (BLOPS protection division)